A couple of Sundays ago, I received a text from my dad that had a picture attached. It was a picture of the last Sunday of my sister Jorja's life on earth. It was a sacred family gathering that happened only 9 months ago.
It's been 9 months since her passing, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I hadn't cried in a while, and that text from my dad stirred up a new layer of grief that must have been hiding. I hadn't realized that it was there until that early Sunday morning.
Every song and every message at church that day tugged on my heart strings. I'm way past worrying about what people might think while I’m in my teary state. I'm guessing they know. There's nothing anyone can say to take away the grief. I just allow myself to let God put His arms around me. I don't get answers when I ask why. I just feel like He tells me to trust Him. I can feel divine love holding my heart, and I hope that my sister's children and husband feel that same love holding them. I hope my parents and siblings and everyone else who loves Jorja feel it, too. I don't know how I could live without it.
There are many times in our lives that we experience grief and pain. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel it fully. It's okay to hate the moment. Allow yourself to release the hate, despair, overwhelm and grief. Allow divine love to heal you. It comes in steps and waves and it is the only way to make it through.
Sometimes there is pain that occurred so long ago, you may not even recognize where the grief is coming from. That can be the toughest to let go of, but don't let it stay. Let it go. Open up, feel it and let it go. Free yourself. It's okay to cry and let it go. All of it.
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February 22, 2017
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